For some reason, my parents
felt the necessity to inundate me at a young age with extracurricular
activities. After school, I was always being driven from tennis to violin to
swimming to cello to baseball to piano to karate to near craziness! I could
have been called the world’s busiest kid at the time. From two of the
activities, I have reaped the most benefits. Although my cello has been used
less frequently than my tennis racquet, the musical instrument creates the
most meaningful ideas in my life.
However, my appreciation for
playing the cello did not come immediately. From the time I was nine years
old until I left for prep school, I detested Sunday. The first day of the
week was torturous “cello day”: I practiced all morning, had a lesson
during the afternoon, and came home in the evening exhausted. But today, I
thank austere old Professor [teacher’s name] for forcing me to learn the
art in music.
With the hectic schedule I have
year round, being overwhelmed is not a difficult task. Therefore, I consider
playing the cello one of the most rewarding aspects of my life. Very few
people have the luxury of being able to absolutely enjoying themselves in
the middle of a workday. I can bomb a physics test, and then five minutes
later be in heaven. Totally relaxed, I sway back and forth to the rhythm
created by my bow and my fingers; both of my arms work in harmony. Eyes
closed, I reach the final note and my left hand creates a slow, soothing
vibrato-mediocre cello playing at its perfection.
The cello reigns as the supreme
instrument in my mind. Whether blusteringly chaotic or lovingly sweet, good
cello playing, with its deep, rich tones and fantastically broad range is
the epitome of expression. I also have ample opportunity for the other half
of art-interpretation. I feel a delight beyond description when listening to
Pablo Casals or Yo-Yo Ma. I am able to just sit there and think about my
life, and their masterful music can make me feel ebullience or rage. Most
importantly, whether I listen to music or play it, I can reflect upon and
enjoy life as one special being.
I wish the venerable Professor
[teacher’s name] could be alive today to hear me play the cello. “With
feeling,” he would always say. Whenever I played a note out of tune, Mr.
[teacher’s name] would yell at me until I cried. But now, with my newfound
love for the cello, even if he screamed in my ear, I would continue to
relish my playing and let him go until he became hoarse.
COMMENTS:
This essayist does a clever job
of combining his focus on the cello with gentle reminders that he is
involved in much more as well. He does this by beginning with brief mention
of “tennis . . . violin . . . swimming . . . cello . . . baseball . . .
piano . . . karate . . ..” in the second sentence. Then he quickly hones
in on the cello alone, making only one additional indirect mention of the
“hectic schedule I have year round.” He wisely does not go into more
detail about the other activities. This single reference is enough, since
the admissions officers can easily refer to the rest of the application for
more detail on his other involvements. This writer also does a good job of
showing his love for the cello by painting a picture of himself playing:
“totally relaxed, I sway back and forth to the rhythm created by my bow
and my fingers; both of my arms work in harmony. Eyes closed, I reach the
final note and my left hand creates a slow, soothing vibrato…” This
image is likely to be the one that sticks in admissions officers minds,
making him more memorable.
Back
to Example Essay Structures
Main
