Below you will find a sample outline and the essay written from that
outline.
OUTLINE
Paragraph 1 (Introduction)
I. Leading sentence: “It took me eighteen years to realize what
an extraordinary influence my mother has been on my life.”
II. Summary of main points: “I not only came to love the
excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but
I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the community in
exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.”
Paragraph 2 (First Supporting Point)
I. Transition sentence: “My mother’s enthusiasm for learning is
most apparent in travel.”
II. Supporting point: Her mother’s enthusiasm for learning.
III. Evidence: Learning through travel by using the example of a
trip to Greece.
Paragraph 3 (Second Supporting Point)
I. Transition sentence: “While I treasure the various worlds my
mother has opened to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by
what she has shown me just two miles from my house.”
II. Supporting point: Her mother’s dedication to the community.
III. Evidence: Her multiple volunteer activities such as helping at
the local soup kitchen.
Paragraph 4 (Conclusion)
I. Transition sentence: “Everything that my mother has ever done
has been overshadowed by the thought behind it.”
II. Reiteration of main points: “She has enriched my life with
her passion for learning, and changed it with her devotion to humanity.”
III. Taking it one step further: “Next year, I will find a new
home miles away. However, my mother will always be by my side.”
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COMPLETED ESSAY
Note: The
below essay was not edited by EssayEdge Editors. It appears as it was
initially reviewed by admissions officers.
It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my
mother has been on my life. She’s the kind of person who has thoughtful
discussions about which artist she would most want to have her portrait
painted by (Sargent), the kind of mother who always has time for her four
children, and the kind of community leader who has a seat on the board of
every major project to assist Washington’s impoverished citizens. Growing
up with such a strong role model, I developed many of her enthusiasms. I not
only came to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing
something new, but I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the
community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.
My mother’s enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel. I was
nine years old when my family visited Greece. Every night for three weeks
before the trip, my older brother Peter and I sat with my mother on her bed
reading Greek myths and taking notes on the Greek Gods. Despite the fact
that we were traveling with fourteen-month-old twins, we managed to be at
each ruin when the site opened at sunrise. I vividly remember standing in an
empty amphitheatre pretending to be an ancient tragedian, picking out my
favorite sculpture in the Acropolis museum, and inserting our family into
modified tales of the battle at Troy. Eight years and half a dozen passport
stamps later I have come to value what I have learned on these journeys
about global history, politics and culture, as well as my family and myself.
While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my
life has been equally transformed by what she has shown me just two miles
from my house. As a ten year old, I often accompanied my mother to (name
deleted), a local soup kitchen and children’s center. While she attended
meetings, I helped with the Summer Program by chasing children around the
building and performing magic tricks. Having finally perfected the
“floating paintbrush” trick, I began work as a full time volunteer with
the five and six year old children last June. It is here that I met Jane
Doe, an exceptionally strong girl with a vigor that is contagious. At the
end of the summer, I decided to continue my work at (name deleted) as
Jane’s tutor. Although the position is often difficult, the personal
rewards are beyond articulation. In the seven years since I first walked
through the doors of (name deleted), I have learned not only the idea of
giving to others, but also of deriving from them a sense of spirit.
Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the
thought behind it. While the raw experiences I have had at home and abroad
have been spectacular, I have learned to truly value them by watching my
mother. She has enriched my life with her passion for learning, and changed
it with her devotion to humanity. In her endless love of everything and
everyone she is touched by, I have seen a hope and life that is truly
exceptional. Next year, I will find a new home miles away. However, my
mother will always be by my side.
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