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Vassar Campus News

The Green Glance | Europe champions alternative energy, emissions reductions
by The Miscellany News | Since 1866
Jan 01, 2018
“Nathan Zucker Columnist
In his final State of the Union address on Jan. 28, President George W. Bush applauded the United States for investing in renewable energy sources and fighting global warming. Coming from an administration that denied the dangers of climate change, refused to ratify the Kyoto Protocol and lobbied for less stringent environmental regulations, such comments seem hypocritical at best.
Coming from a country that still produces a full quarter of all greenhouse gas emissions, this is nothing but nonsense.
Clearly, the United States is anything but a leader in promoting alternative energy and reducing the use of fossil fuels. We are still the nation of SUVs, coal plants and fast food, the conspicuous consumers who may be wreaking havoc on the future of human civilization. Fortunately, there is an alternative to the reckless environmental policy that characterizes the U.S. government. It is, without a doubt, the European Union.
Although the United States allows industries to spew unlimited amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, this is not the case in Europe. The European Union’s climate policy revolves around a complex emissions trading program that forces large companies to monitor, report and offset their emissions.
For example, an industry’s carbon output is capped at a certain amount, determined by the government. If the company exceeds this amount, it must buy carbon credits from other companies that pollute less. On the other hand, if the company’s pollution does not reach the cap, it may sell such credits to those that pollute more.
This trading scheme has several advantages, both to business interests and the environment. First, it allows companies with older, more polluting infrastructures to gradually cut back on emissions by purchasing credits from “greener” businesses. Such a system avoids forcing corporations to renovate their facilities completely, an expensive and time-consuming process.
Second, the efficiency improvements that are cheapest are done first, allowing ecological concerns to coincide with a free-market mentality. Finally, the plan should reduce European emissions 21 percent by the year 2020, clearly demonstrating that putting a price on carbon is a feasible way to curb global warming.
The European Union has also heavily invested in innovative, local projects that use renewable energy to fight climate change. As The New York Times reported on April 9, the Irish town of Dundalk is now home to a 1.5 square mile Sustainable Energy Zone in which scientists are experimenting with new technologies that foster sustainable living.
For example, a 200-foot wind turbine takes advantage of western Ireland’s windy climate to generate electricity for the area’s businesses and residents. Solar-powered streetlights are being developed to cut energy use, and homes are being carefully insulated to avoid heat loss in winter. The hope is that this $40 million pilot project can be a model for sustainability at the global level; a greener future may look somewhat like the Dundalk community does today.
France, one of the most industrialized countries in the European Union, has also become a leader on environmental issues. Wind power is the hallmark of the French model for sustainable energy production, and it has become highly effective in recent years. Électricité de France, the main company involved in windmill projects, promises to increase wind’s share of France’s energy market to 21 percent by 2010. This parallels demands made by the European Union to help regulate climate.
In addition, the French transportation system relies on energy-efficient trains, such as the high-speed TGV, to carry passengers to their destinations. When there is a need to drive somewhere, the French choose smaller, fuel-efficient cars such as Renaults and Peugeots. Contrast this with the United States, where the average American sits alone in his SUV, getting 15 miles per gallon and spewing tons of carbon into the atmosphere.
The United States has fallen further and further behind the rest of the world in the fight to develop renewable energy and stop global warming. This is largely because of the Bush administration’s pro-business, anti-regulation stance on these issues. Consider this: No gasoline car sold in the United States could be driven even in ecologically-unfriendly China, simply because Chinese emissions regulations are so much stricter than ours.
Not only is the American environmental policy imperiling the future, but it makes a mockery of our government and damages relations with countries that are more serious about protecting the Earth. It’s clearly time for a change of direction, and the European Union is the place to look.
—Nathan Zucker ’10, a Latin American Studies major, is writing about environmental issues that affect both the Vassar community and the world at large.”

Sports Briefs | Tennis court dedication ceremony to honor memory of Vassar alumnus
by The Miscellany News | Since 1866
Jan 01, 2018
“The new gazebo at the tennis courts behind Josselyn House will be dedicated to the memory of Eric Smith ’92, who played on the Vassar tennis team, on Saturday May 3. Smith, along with his two children, wife and stepfather, died in a plane accident in Alaska in 2007; his mother was the only survivor of the crash. A letter in the Vassar Alumnae/i Quarterly in Winter 2007, written by a classmate and fellow tennis player, reports that Smith “died a hero” trying to save his wife and son.
Though Smith also played squash at Vassar, he was most talented on the tennis court: He was a team captain and a four-year No. 1 player. The gazebo dedication will honor a great athlete and inspiring Vassar alumnus.
All students are invited to attend the ceremony on Saturday, May 3 at 11 a.m. at the Josselyn tennis courts. The ceremony will be followed by a varsity vs. alumnae/i tennis match.
—Kelly Capehart, Sports Editor”

Overtime | Human rights issues at play in 2008 Olympics
by The Miscellany News | Since 1866
Jan 01, 2018
“Kyle Nelson Columnist
Protest the 2008 Olympics. There, I said it. I don’t know how, but please do something, and do it for the right reasons.
Why the blame is on China
When Beijing was chosen to host the 2008 Olympic games, the selection raised more than a few eyebrows. Not since the 1980 Olympics in Communist Moscow and the 1936 Olympics in Nazi Berlin has a city selection been so politically charged. The reality is that while Shanghai had the environmental standards, facilities and historical neutrality to represent China in the 2008 Olympics, Beijing, the controversial political capital of China, was the International Olympic Committee’s choice. This happened despite the simple fact that the city has neither the transportation infrastructure, nor the air quality, nor the facilities to sponsor the games. The selection looked like a politically motivated decision for an event that claims to eschew controversial international politics.
Reports from the Centre on Housing Rights and Evictions, located in Geneva, puts the numbers of persons potentially displaced by the Olympics at around 1.5 million. That’s right: Some reports are predicting that 1.5 million people could be displaced to facilitate the Olympic games. The Chinese government claims that the number is just above 6,000. While the exact number may not be as high as 1.5 million, the figure released by the Chinese government is ludicrous, as are their claims that citizens have moved willingly and have been pleased with government compensation.
Why have so many citizens been displaced? While there have been reports of dissenters and activists being forcibly removed from the city (not to mention the government-sponsored displacement of the homeless and the those suffering from mental illnesses), most people have been replaced so that the government can build over 30 new facilities, improve the transportation infrastructure and clean up the environment. Citizens have also been advised to stay inside their houses, participating in what is known as a “special holiday,” during the working hours of the Olympics.
The government has also made it clear that protesting its actions will not be tolerated, and special detention centers have been established to deal with dissenters. Holding the Olympics in Shanghai, while not a panacea to controversy, would have cut down on the number of displaced citizens as well as the amount of money required to facilitate such a massive event.
All of these questions come amidst concerns that the air quality has not improved as much as Chinese environmental agencies claim. Wall Street Journal columnist Steven Andrews accused Beijing of changing monitored areas in order to pass over overly-polluted sites and improve the number of recorded blue-sky days, which in 1998 was only 100 days out of 365.
Another problem with Beijing is its representation of China’s woeful human rights record. While the United States, France and the United Kingdom don’t have the best records either, the Chinese government has been linked to numerous international controversies that seem to conflict with their interest in throwing a politically-neutral Olympics.
First there were the arms and military vehicle sales to Sudan, which helped to facilitate the genocide in Darfur. Only after the international community spoke out did China consider using its relationship with Sudan to help bring the genocide to a halt.
Most recently, however, the international gaze has been leveled on Tibet, which is experiencing what many, including the Dalai Lama, refer to as a cultural genocide. Tibetans are protesting increased Chinese presence in the region and the consequent cultural limitations. In an effort to save face for the Olympics, however, the Chinese government has countered these protests with severe police and army crackdowns that left anywhere between 10 (domestic government figures) and 80 civilians (exiled government figures) dead. Protestors around the world have spoken out against Chinese government actions by vehemently protesting the torch relay ceremony.
Why the blame is on the Olympics
This whole argument should be prefaced by the fact that American foreign policy in particular makes this entire conversation somewhat moot; our own politics are often as morally bankrupt as those protested in this article. Nobody criticized the United States or the United Kingdom for their human rights policies during the Industrial Revolution. Why is China so scrutinized for going through similar processes to the ones that turned the United States and Britain into world powers? Their actions are still wrong, but shouldn’t the domestic focus be inward instead of criticizing the Chinese so sharply? A lot of the uproar has occurred with cameras rolling and even more protest can likely be attributed to Western xenophobia and jealousy. And these are all valid concerns, too. But I’ll be protesting the Olympic institution nonetheless.
The Olympic institution has bankrupted national economies and indigenous cultures and is one of the most fundamentally flawed concepts in our increasingly globalized international landscape. I take particular offense to the International Olympic Committee’s leadership. Past leaders have included Avery Brundage, president of the International Olympic Committee from 1952 to 1972, who publicly supported Nazism and apartheid and protested the involvement of Native Americans, Jews and women in the Olympic games, all while claiming to uphold the Olympic Charter.
The last Olympic games to carry this much political weight were in Moscow in 1980 and Berlin in 1936. The last time so many people were so victimized by the Olympic process was during the 1968 Mexico City Olympics, which were preceded by the brutal Tlatelolco Massacre. Beijing 2008 has the potential to join this trio in the depths of a controversial and ethically challenged Olympic history.
China isn’t the first and certainly won’t be the last country to make a mockery of the Olympic Charter.
In memory of all of the victims of Olympics past and all of those in China, Tibet and Sudan who have lost their lives, homes and identities at the hands of the impending Olympic games, please protest Beijing 2008. But make sure it’s for the right reasons.
—Kyle Nelson ’09 is an English and Africana Studies double-major. This semester he is editorializing on issues in national athletics.”

Letters to the Editor | Shuttle service effective, but in need of expansion
by The Miscellany News | Since 1866
Jan 01, 2018
“I am writing to express a gratitude that I and many other students feel for the campus shuttle. Whether students are uncomfortable walking alone at night, cold, tired or too drunk to walk, the shuttle provides a valuable and convenient service. Similarly, the new community shuttle also provides a great service for those who work in the community or who simply want to get off campus.
Many students I’ve talked to appreciate both of these, so hats off to Security and the administration for providing these services. I would, however, like to suggest an addition. I think it would be a great idea to offer an additional shuttle to off-campus housing at night. This would provide safety and convenience to students who live off campus. I know many students are uncomfortable walking the Poughkeepsie streets at night, especially with the reports of burglaries and muggings along College Avenue and beyond.
Even though many off-campus students have cars, they often don’t drive to campus. If they do, they might sometimes be too intoxicated to drive back, forcing them to walk, which is even less pleasant during the Poughkeepsie winters. Although I’ve been told Security escorts are available, I feel that a regular running shuttle at night would be more convenient, even if it only ran within a mile of campus.
I recognize that this would require a considerable investment of time and money, but the campus and community shuttles already in place require a similar investment. Why not take this extra step to provide a safe and convenient form of transportation to off-campus students? Considering the small percentage of students who do not reside on campus, this could probably be a low-scale operation.
If other students feel this way, I would encourage them to let the administration know. Thanks again to the Security department, and I hope that they will consider the possibility of an off-campus housing shuttle.
—Andrew Dueñas ’08”

A year of firsts for Vassar track and field
by The Miscellany News | Since 1866
Jan 01, 2018
“Jenica Law ’11 practices the hurdles on the recently built track at Prentiss Field.
A. Neuhauser/ The Miscellany News
Kelly Capehart Staff Writer
Hidden behind the Town Houses, just across from Raymond Avenue and adjacent to the baseball diamond, lies the brand-new facility: a quarter-mile track complete with stadium seating and a turf field, flanked by a long jump pit at one end and a new scoreboard at the other.
This new facility has been getting plenty of use this spring—for the first time in the College’s history, Vassar now boasts its own varsity track and field team. But the road to varsity status was long, and the new team still faces many challenges.
Simply gaining access to such a facility was a hurdle for the track program.
Track and Field Head Coach James McCowan feels fortunate to be able to put his team on the new track. “I keep telling all the kids how lucky we are to have this wonderful facility in place now,” he said.
The track is more than simply a place to run; it lends a sense of purpose and community to the team as well. “We may be a small team, but we have a long club history that we’re trying to build up into a varsity program on the level of our Liberty League competitors,” said McCowan. “When you’re out [on the track], it’s hard to believe you’re an underdog in any way.”
A track club has existed at Vassar since 1985. Although the team did compete against varsity programs from other schools, it did so without the benefits of being a varsity program itself.
The facility provides a certain sense of tangibility to a team that has always had the spirit, but not always the space. The track “makes it a lot more concrete, makes it a lot more real,” said McCowan.
Women’s team captain Lisl Esherick ’08 agreed that the team’s new facility and varsity status have changed its dynamic.
“The cohesion of the whole program has really come together since we’ve been made varsity,” Esherick commented. “With the club we just didn’t click the same way.”
Men’s captain Colin Sanders ’08 credits the club program as a building block for the team’s new varsity status. “I think we always knew at some point that it would become a varsity program,” said Sanders. “So as a club program, we always took it as seriously as a varsity program in a lot of ways.”
Both the club program and the cross country team provided a wealth of talent for the new varsity track team. As a result of the cross country influence, McCowan said, “We’re definitely sort of a middle distance-based team right now, a lot of interest in track on campus has come from people who are participating in cross country.”
However, not all the runners come from the cross country program. Many come from other varsity sports, and quite a few are freshmen.
“I think a lot of the people who are coming and doing events other than long distance and middle distance are freshmen this year,” McCowan said. “They came here and are excited for the opportunity, and we’re just getting started.”
In spite of the interest from Vassar runners, the program does face some hurdles. Depth is the main issue for the young team. “We don’t have enough people to fill all the events, never mind people who are truly trained and ready for those events,” said McCowan.
Due to the youth of the program and the fact that it is still, as McCowan noted, in the expanding stages, “We are focusing on running events first. Field events are not something that we’re super-involved in right now.” As a result, “One of the things we’re doing is just focusing on non-scoring invitationals,” he explained.
Despite such challenges, the team’s outlook is bright. At the recent Liberty League Championships, the team’s showing was impressive.
“We can’t put five runners in every race like some of the other schools can,” said Esherick. “I think that when we got [to Liberty Leagues], when we ran, we were just so surprised. We blew each other away. I think a lot of other teams were really surprised to see what a strong showing we had.”
Sanders, who is also an All-American cross country runner, was one Brewer who saw success in the Championship meet, earning All-Liberty League honors with second-place in the 5000-meter race. This past weekend freshmen runners Jon Erickson and Brittany Davis helped lead the team, as well, with first-place finishes at the Hamilton Invitational in the 800-meter race and steeplechase, respectively.
McCowan takes the enthusiastic spirit of this year’s team as a good sign for the future.
“I just want to keep making sure that we’re providing a real quality experience for people, that people are having fun,” he explained. “And I think if we keep building a team off of that, off of that effort and that spirit, then…we’re only going to be getting stronger and stronger.””

The Green Glance | Food crisis stems from poor environmental policy
by The Miscellany News | Since 1866
Jan 01, 2018
“Nathan Zucker Columnist
Extreme poverty and devastating hunger hardly come as a surprise to the Haitian people, who have long been one of the world’s most resource-deficient nations. Conditions have become particularly intolerable this year, and Haitians are now consuming a daily average of 460 calories less than the healthy minimum set by the United Nations.
Such a sudden crisis has ignited riots throughout the country, shutting down Haitian schools, businesses and government offices. Although this horrendous situation might seem temporary, it is actually a manifestation of long-term problems with the world’s energy policy and food distribution systems.
In just one year, the cost of wheat has increased 130 percent, and rice has seen a price increase of 74 percent. Unfortunately, there seems to be little relief in sight. Demand for food will reach new heights as the world’s population grows, and the cost of transporting such goods can only go up as energy reserves gradually dwindle.
Poor policy decisions are to blame for the sudden increase in food prices. As part of a renewable energy program endorsed by President George W. Bush, American farmers have begun converting their corn into ethanol, a fuel that can partially replace gasoline in most automobiles. Twenty-seven percent of last year’s corn harvest went into this program, producing 9.3 billion gallons of ethanol. According to the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA), stockpiles of corn are now running low because of this situation, leading to increased prices.
Using corn as an energy source is one of the most disastrous policies endorsed by the U.S. government. According to Princeton University researchers, converting corn into ethanol is extremely inefficient, contributing to global warming about twice as much as regular gasoline.
Furthermore, there is simply not enough land on which to grow this extra corn. According to U.N. estimates, the world’s population will grow to nine billion people by 2050; such a dramatic increase will require an unprecedented amount of food.
The jump in food prices is largely due to the expense of long-distance transportation. Just a few days ago, the cost of a barrel of oil hit a record-high $117. However, it is entirely our society’s own fault that food must be shipped such long distances. During the 1960s and 1970s, the USDA under Secretary Earl Butz enacted short-sighted policies that forced small farmers out of business, replacing them with corporate mega-farms that transported food across the nation to consumers. However, such a system comes with a gross ecological cost: For every calorie of food we eat, 10 calories of fossil-fuel energy are consumed, mostly by transportation.
Global warming itself is also a leading cause of the food shortage. Australia is experiencing its worst period of drought in recorded history, and many believe that carbon emissions are to blame. As reported in a New York Times article on April 17, some farmers have simply switched from growing basic foodstuffs such as rice to producing wine grapes, which are more resistant to the hotter, more arid climate. Although wealthy western consumers may be happy to see an influx of affordable Australian wines, such a transformation in production is devastating to the world’s poor and hungry.
Unfortunately, the problems we face today are simply the tip of a frighteningly large iceberg. Clearly, unpredictable and changing weather patterns could reduce agricultural yields even further while the world’s population is rapidly expands and demands more food. Furthermore, the deepening energy crisis may tempt us to rely on biofuels such as corn, reducing the land that is available to feed humans.
Although this situation may seem hopeless, a sensible energy and agricultural policy could resolve many of these issues. Our first priority must be to reduce carbon emissions, since there is no way farmers can maintain adequate food supplies if the Earth’s temperature rises 10 degrees in a single century. To this end, the government must encourage small-scale, local agriculture, which is much less energy-intensive than the large, industrial farms that dominate food production today.
Finally, society must develop true alternatives to fossil fuels such as wind and solar emergy, eschewing the false promise of biofuels that are neither sustainable nor practical. The unraveling situation in Haiti, as well as the recent increases in energy prices, demonstrate that the time to begin is now.
—Nathan Zucker ’10, a Latin American Studies major, is writing about environmental issues that affect both the Vassar community and the world at large.”

Weekly Calendar 5/2-5/8
by The Miscellany News | Since 1866
Jan 01, 2018
“FRIDAY, 5/2
3 p.m. Tea. Yeah, yeah, I’m totally sad to be graduating. Rose Parlor
3 p.m. CHOICE Open House. Stock up for summer and seniors stock up for life after graduation. Come on, haven’t you seen the NYC free condom program? They’re at Steve Madden in SoHo. Jewett, Basement
p.m. Lecture. Kenji Yoshino will speak about “covering.” A cappella, make up your own damn songs. Rocky, 200
5 p.m. Goodbye Davison Dinner. One last dorm dinner for Davison residents before parting ways for a year! Hey prospies, Davison isn’t closing, it’s just going to live on your grandparents’ farm. Field, Joss Beach
7 p.m. “Waiting For Godot.” I once hid drugs in this event’s locale when running away from Security. Ah, the collegiate stories we’ll tell our grandchildren…Stone wall between Sanders Classroom and Sanders Physics (not a joke)
8 p.m. “Tea.” Idlewild Theatre Ensemble presents “Tea” by Velina Hasu Houston. You know, same as at 3 p.m., but “ironic.” Susan Finkelstein Shiva Theater
Midnight. Carifest Mug Night. This party will have you thinking you’re in the Caribbean during Carnival. Hot like the Caribbean, sweaty like the Mug. The Mug
8 a.m. Rent-a-Soccer Player Fundraiser. Hire one or more athletes from the Women’s Soccer Team to do various jobs around your house. Oh, but I wanted Ben Fox to fold my laundry…wearing a sexy maid outfit.
9 a.m. Founder's Day! You’re only allowed to cry once in life, and I’ve been saving mine for this day. Ballantine Field
2 p.m. Real ID Act Forum. Organizers from the New York Civil Liberties Union will discuss the Real ID act. And, you know, how to not get caught with a fake. Rocky 200
3 p.m. Tea. I’ll miss all the times I’ve had here. Rose Parlor
3 p.m. Tea. The Backpage, tea jokes, mocking my peers, hatin’ on everyone. Rose Parlor
5 p.m. Davison vs. Joss: Freshman Water Balloon Fight. Ew, gross. Don’t exploit CHOICE’s free condom generosity like that! Joss Beach
5 p.m. ViCE Cream Social. Double scoop of Sam Bloch’s balls with Evan Altshuler sprinkles, please! Chapel Lawn
6 p.m. Contrast Release Party. Freshman wannabe Dov Charneys: Please supply your own lube. Sock required. Faculty Commons
9 p.m. Narrative Writing Reading. Ooh, I’d love some “fiction” about someone kicking her ex in the balls. CDF, 106
3 p.m. Tea. But I just wanna say, I’m really sorry for any pain I’ve caused or feelings I’ve hurt. Rose Parlor
5 p.m. Helicon English Department Faculty Reading. Featuring M. Mark and Michael Joyce. Note: 3D glasses and an Apple computer from circa 1988 will be provided for this hypertext fiesta. Class of ’51 Reading Room
6 p.m. Club Sports Banquet. I hope there’s a “Mildly Annoying, Lying Homogenous Blob” award. Ballantine Field
8 p.m. Soiree ’68. Celebrate the 40th anniversary of the May 1968 uprisings in Paris with a talk from David Schalk and Barbarella projected onto Ferry House. Jane Fonda as she spent her time here, plastered up against a wall. FDF Quad
3 p.m. Tea. Psych! P.S. Everything I’ve ever written on this page is true. Bye! Rose Parlor
5 p.m. Annual Senior Composition Reading. Have you ever wanted to read the theses of your peers? Have you ever wanted to hear them read aloud from their theses? Join me, as I laugh at Molly and mock her academic “achievements.” Sanders Hall, 212
7 p.m. 2010 Showcase. A gathering of the sophomore class, featuring student reflections on the achievements and challenges of our year. Congratulations, you kind of kicked your drug habit and made some friends! FDF Quad
9 p.m. Night Owls Final Concert. Okay, fine, senior confession: I secretly love a cappella. Specifically, the Penn Six a cappella version of Gangsta’s Paradise. I’m sorry. I’ve been living a lie. Aula”

Backpage | True Confessions from the Class of 2008
by The Miscellany News | Since 1866
Jan 01, 2018
“** We e-mailed the entire senior class asking for their deepest secrets. We now present their responses.
I stole a full keg of beer from the Mug, got caught by Security and told them that I found the keg under a tree behind Jewett.
I told my boyfriend that my friend visiting was gay so it wouldn't be a big deal if we shared my single room for a couple of nights. But the truth was that my “gay friend” was my other boyfriend.
After viewing much of your not-so-secret dong-dingling, I spit in your most treasured headdress. —mike lieberthal
When the highway kid punched a window and cut an artery in his wrist, I cauterized the wound with a cake knife and a lighter and stopped the bleeding. I did a better job than Dr. Crawfish would have done.
I only hooked up with you because I was too lazy to walk home.
I am on a year-long quest to unite the campus by hooking up with both jocks and hipsters.
Dear Hannah, Sometimes, when I know you’ll be at the library all day, and I’m home alone, I go into your underwear drawer and wear your bra as a hat. It is my magical thinking cap. I’ve never studied better than in those moments.
I still have a crush on my freshman student fellow!
Sophomore year, my 19th rode the ambulance with me to the hospital because I couldn’t hold down a half-liter of gin. The nurse said she couldn’t get my temperature under the tongue. A quick “you know what that means” was all I needed to hear to roll to my side and pull up the back of my hospital gown. As I reached out for your hand and looked into your eyes (preparing to receive the steel temperature probe in my lower orifice), I swear I would have switched teams for you, Sean Leahy.
I had sex in my friend’s room and her friend said to her in class, “Someone had sex in your room last night and we know it wasn’t you because we know what you sound like.”
You don’t know me that well, but I read your livejournal.
I have $200+ in library fines that I need to pay in order to graduate.
We stole the fifth floor couch from Main, and it was only found because one of us got caught breaking into our own suite over Spring Break. —Fratcave
I’m secretly straight but too scared to tell anyone!
Dear Molly, The condom you found in your bed freshman year, that we said “Barrett put there as a joke”? yeah, about that...Don’t you miss AJ Tindall?
When you stood me up to go to a Frisbee party, I gave your toothbrush a toilet bath. —applesauce
My friend once ghost-rid a pink bike into the TH-path stream. Then he felt guilty, jumped in, and fished it out.
I had sex in a janitor’s closet in Cushing and busted in the mop bucket.
For most of this year I’ve wished Luis Trujillo was straight so I could bone him.
Even though you’re a Republican, I still think you’re cute.
My friend had sex in the CHOICE office. She’s not a CHOICE member.
I lost my virginity on JYA.
The keg at my last party was non-alcoholic.
I made out with Molly Finkelstein in the Passion Pit.
During freshman week, a certain runner told me he liked the v in my v-neck and then I made out with him.
I tried to hit on Dave Mann once.
My freshman year I got so drunk and went to the deli at the end of the night. I convinced Tony I was Italian and waited tables with a shitty Italian (think Mario Brothers) accent and went to the back and washed dishes with his sister. I think he gave me some beer for my troubles.
“Instead of one of us making a move, my teammate and I flipped a coin to see who would have to commit the first strike. I won. He struck. I forgot to say ‘call it, friend-o.’” —anton sigur
Fall semester of junior year, I went to the Library of Congress over October break to do research for a political science paper. After being there for a considerable amount of time, I went to the bathroom and jerked off while two elderly academics discussed their differing opinions of post-colonial hegemony in the third world. —Banned from D.C.
I was having sex with someone and thought he was Marc Gottlieb and I made a weird comment about what he wrote on my livejournal.
Freshman year I did, and still do, feel ashamed that I’m not a lesbian.
I’m relying on Alanis Morissette, hard drugs and the word “awesome” for the bulk of my commencement speech. —[Isn’t It] IronicPrez08
I threw up on my friend’s puppy at a party.
I couldn’t bring a boy back to my double as a freshman, so we decided to hang (make) out in the parlor instead. My belt buckle was digging into my tummy so I took off my pants. DON’T WORRY, I was wearing great Superman underwear from Target! Totally PG-13! Anyway, we were making out and then Security came into the parlor and shone a flashlight on my butt. I don't remember much, except that the Security dude asked, “ this consensual?” and then left.
On spring break on a Greek isle, I jokingly challenged Martha Knauf to split a handle of whiskey with me, figuring she couldn't do it. Later that night, while Martha found her way home, relatively clear-headed, I took off my jacket and leapt, from the balcony of a bar, into the very cold Mediterranean sea, landing on jagged rocks. I woke up soaking wet and naked and confused as to what country I was in, in a hotel room with my girlfriend’s best friend. Martha Knauf outdrank me and had a comfortable night, while I lay shivering, nude and shamed.
After a night at the Mug, my friends and I broke a lot of shit on the way back home, including a lamppost, several plant-holders and some lights outside the Old Observatory. A person was later seen humping one of these lights, and because he was with the baseball team they were all blamed. —foxyboxing”

Sports Year in Review | Varsity sports enjoy phenomenal seasons in 2007-2008
by The Miscellany News | Since 1866
Jan 01, 2018
“Johnny Kessenich ’09 was implemental in the volleyball team’s incredibly successful 26-7 season.
J. Carlton/ The Miscellany News
Brian Butterworth ’09 takes a shot. The Vassar men’s basketball team finished 18-8 this year. C. Eaccarino/ The Miscellany News
Men’s tennis also had a stellar record this year with a 13-4 record this spring. Ashish Patil ’08 and Michael Mattelson ’10 both had strong performances this year.
J. Carlton/ The Miscellany News
Lillian Reuman Guest Writer
Vassar’s 2007-2008 academic year has been about a lot more than academics. It has featured stellar athletic performances by many teams, particularly the men’s basketball, men’s volleyball and men’s and women’s rugby teams. All teams set new records, boasted high winning percentages and produced athletes who went on to win league and national titles.
The men’s basketball season ended with a 18-8 winning record, the best winning percentage in Vassar College history. They qualified for Liberty League championships, where they placed second in the regular season, as well as qualified for the Eastern College Athletic Conference (ECAC) championships. “From an individual, career and team standpoint,” Head Coach Mike Dutton noted, “the past season was an extremely successful season.”
Over the course of the season, five players from the men’s basketball team were recognized as Liberty League performers of the week: Lawrence Avitabile ’08, Tyson Brazell ’08, Brian Butterworth ’09, Joey Davis ’09 and Matt Nunn ’09. Avitabile and Brazell were both 1,000-point scorers and were named to the Liberty League All-Conference team. Coaches also voted Avitabile as the Liberty League Player of the Year.
Athletes from the senior class, including Avitabile, Brazell, Daniel Forcella, Kyle Magnus and Jon Swartz, are graduating with 60 career wins, the most in Vassar history. Despite losing these players, Dutton remains positive. “With hard work, I’m confident that next year’s team has the potential to experience similar success,” he said.
The men’s volleyball team ended the season 26-7, also winning many championship titles, impressive rankings and individual recognition. The team had more wins this season than they had in the previous four seasons combined. One of 47 teams in Division III Men’s Volleyball, Vassar belongs to the North East Collegiate Volleyball Association (NECVA) conference, comprised of 39 schools. The Molten Invitational serves as the Division III Men’s Volleyball championship.
The Brewers won the Metro Division Championship of the NECVA conference, and then went on to capture the Conference Championship as well. They beat first-seeded University of California at Santa Cruz to advance to the final round against Springfield College at the Molten Invitational. “It was an amazing experience, and it could not have happened without all 13 guys working together,” said captain Scott Leserman ’09.
“We played a lot of teams that were individually more talented than us, but we played as a team,” commented Head Coach Jonathan Penn. “To play our best match of the year when we need it to make the final was almost unbelievable, especially in the environment of the Final Four.” They finished the season ranked second in the country, according to the CBS College Sports Network and the American Volleyball Coaches Association (AVCA) Division III Men’s Volleyball Coaches poll.
Many individual players received recognition. Phil Tully ’10, the NECVA Conference Player of the Year, was named to the All-American First team. Johnny Kessinich ’09 was named a First Team All American, while Kyle Giunta ’08 was named to the All-America Second Team. Both Kessinich and Giunta received First Team All-NECVA honors. Steve Micucci ’09 was named to the Second Team All-NECVA. Additionally, Penn was named NECVA Coach of the Year. “Despite the individual achievements from this season, it really was about the team,” Penn commented.
“The trust, respect and love that permeated this team was what made it great.”
The team will return to the 2008-2009 season with five of their current seven starters. “We’re bringing in a solid recruiting class,” Leserman noted. “It looks to be another great season for us.”
The men’s rugby team, currently 12-3, also had an exciting run this year. The team was unable to advance to Nationals in the Fall 2007 season due to a disappointing loss to Middlebury College, the defending Division III champions. But the Brewers have rebounded and placed second in the Metropolitan New York Conference this past fall.
Powerhouse seniors, as well as incoming freshmen, have boosted success. Captain Garrett King ’08 scored 12 tries this season, the most for any forward on the team. “He has had a phenomenal season,” Head Coach Tony Brown noted. “We’ve also had an exciting freshman class.” Most players come with no experience, so the team relies on pure athleticism.
“A young lad, Garrett Montgomery ’11, tackles well and is a good athlete and evasive runner,” said Brown. “He’s expected to start as scrumhalf next season.” In addition, Iain Gordon ’11 “has really come on and leaped some bounds. He’s a great physical presence.”
“Next season should be great,” Omar Fayyaz ’09 predicted. “We’re losing a lot of big-time seniors, but our freshman class is filled with guys who are both eager to and capable of stepping into their shoes.”
The men’s team spent a portion of the season preparing the women’s team for their run at Nationals. “Our coach taught us Navy’s style of play so that the women would know what to expect” at Nationals, Fayyaz said.
The women’s rugby team currently boasts a record of 13-4. They have been in the Top 20 National Collegiate Rankings all season, and at one point they were ranked as high as seventh place.
The team beat Air Force and Army in the fall and went on to qualify for Nationals this spring. Though they lost to Navy in the first round of 16, Brown called the team “the best of the rest.”
“I could mention every single member of the squad,” said Brown. “Everyone improved enormously.” Captain Elise Okusami ’08, who has played flyhalf for two years, really stands out in Brown’s mind. “She has been superb,” said Brown. “
She has the best hands of both [the men’s and women’s] teams. She has worked so hard on her own to become a tower of strength.”
Four individual players were nominated for All-American: Okusami, Danielle Goodman-Levy ’09, Marlo Messer ’08 and Keri Peacock, ’11.
This year has seen multiple teams advance to National Championships, and many athletes have been recognized on a national level. The soaring team support and spirit can only pave the way for more success in the future.”

Female baseball player feels at home with the boys
by The Miscellany News | Since 1866
Jan 01, 2018
“Lilly Jacobson ’10 goes to bat against St. Lawrence during the weekend of April 25-26. The team emerged with three losses and one win against St. Lawrence last week.
J. Carlton/ The Miscellany News
Acacia O’Connor Staff Writer
Millions of girls play competitive team softball in America today; very few play baseball. In fact, there are no collegiate women’s baseball teams.
Not long ago, however, it was less unusual for women to play baseball. In 1866 students formed the first-ever women’s baseball team—the Vassar Resolutes.
The Resolutes are now little more than a sepia-colored photograph in the Vassar Encyclopedia. But there is still one female athlete on campus swinging a bat, and that is Lilly Jacobson ’10.
While Vassar women in baseball history makes for an interesting backdrop to her story, for Jacobson it’s about being a ball player and loving the game.
“I started in little league, and there were a couple of girls then, but I didn’t want to switch to softball when we were 12, so I kept playing,” Jacobson said. But playing as a female hasn’t been easy for her.
Though Title IX—the amendment requiring that men’s and women’s athletic receive equal funding—is now 25 years old, men’s and women’s sports are still largely segregated realms. A woman playing baseball, like a man playing field hockey or a woman playing football, is still an anomaly.
Freshman year of high school in Reno, Nev., Jacobson was cut from the junior varsity team by a coach who told her she wasn’t good enough to play for him. Jacobson transferred to Earl Wooster High School, where she pitched about 15 innings and had a 3.60 Earned Run Average.
Her teammates had mixed feelings about her playing on the team. “It took awhile for the guys to warm up to me,” she recalled. “It took me showing them that I was just any other ball player and prove that I could play with them.” But for Jacobson, the extra work was worth it.
“It’s been kind of a battle, but I just never wanted to switch to softball,” she said.
Jacobson came to Vassar to play golf, but returned to baseball this year. The Vassar baseball team was more open-minded about playing with a girl than her high school teammates were, Jacobson said.
“The guys on the team have been really supportive. Like immediately when I came out in the fall they accepted and welcomed me,” she said. This contrasted with teams she played with in high school in Nevada.
While there are no known NCAA women’s baseball teams, several countries boast national teams, including the United States. When Jacobson was selected to play on the USA Women’s National Team in 2006, it was the first time she had played on a team comprised solely of women.
“I didn’t know what to expect,” Jacobson said of the team. “I wasn’t sure if they’d be softball players who decided to play baseball or what, but they weren’t; they were just baseball players. It was really good baseball.”
The Women’s National team, for which Jacobson pitched and played third base, won its second consecutive gold medal at the 2006 Women’s World Cup in Taipei, Taiwan.
“It was fun to see the different countries’ style of baseball,” she said.
Jacobson plans to try out for the national team again this summer. In August, the team will travel to the 2008 Women’s World Cup location in August in Matsuyama, Japan.”

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