Guilford College

Date: Apr 21 2005
Major: Art & Design Department (This Major's Salary over time)
Guilford…well, it's been an interesting three years to say the least, and am very lucky I am leaving this college to start my job after next year—(which I got on my own—no help or preparation from Guilford).

I am writing this in regards to those who are considering coming here. There are several types of people who will love Guilford, and who will hate it. You know who you are.

Please read the following carefully if you are considering coming here:

If you are _____, you will LIKE it here:

1. A pretty girl, or a semi-attractive one; If you are, you will automatically be considered gorgeous here and will be swarmed by men. Keep in mind our STD rate is 63%. Also, if you are ugly and you know it, there are a lot of women here who will not upstage you.

2. A hippy, earthy, crunchy granola type who likes enviornmental art and lashing out at society. Also camping, hiking, etc.

3. A naturally dirty person, who wants an excuse to not bathe or shower for days on end to be your "natural self" and one with nature.

4. Politically active.

5. An African-American who hates white people. One who thinks and blames white men for all the problems in the world and have no trouble expressing that often (as well as being taken seriously for that view).

6. Anyone who is not white and hates white people.

7. Anti-semetic; pro-Palestinian.

8. A geek, 'Dungeons and Dragons' type person, one who is really into Anime, etc. (There are lots of them here, and you will very much at home).

9. Anyone with serious mental or learning disabilities.

10. Anyone who can get fat, have dreadlocks and still manage to get laid using the excuse that they are earthy and natural.

12. Enjoys groups like Tori Amos, Rusted Root and other such music.

13. A lesbian—you practically can have your own dorm.

14. If you were a loser in high school—not very well liked because you are a damn weirdo, and you are creepy and strange, you will find this place a very welcoming and warm place to you—because you are in control now.

15. Uber-liberal or Green Party (politically).

16. Embrace feminism in a hardcore manner.

17. Smoke marijuana non-stop.

18. A Communist.

19. A white girl who likes black men.

If you are _____, you will NOT LIKE it here:

1. A metrosexual; a cultured, smart sophistacted urbanite.

2. Cultured in any way, really.

3. Enjoys electronic dance music such as Techno music (most people here don't know what it is—and those who do usually hate it). Or by that matter, are a Raver (there are none here—there used to be tons but they're all gone now).

4. Preppy

5. Gay men; I don't recommend you come here because there are practically no attractive men here who are 'out of the closet.'

6. An athlete: Guilford's sports teams are not on average very good, and they get little to no respect from the student body.

7. Anyone who is looking for a good time in the city that the college is based in. In Greensboro, contrary to popular belief, there is nothing to do besides go to a few boring clubs.

8. If you don't have a car.

9. Conservative (politically).

10. Moderatly liberal (politically).

11. Looking for a 'Greek Life' type of lifestyle. (You will be kicked off campus as what happened to friends of mine who tried to throw good parties).

12. Dress nicely and plan on doing so throughout your college career.

13. If you were popular in high school.

14. Jewish. I am not Jewish, but there seems to be an air of anti-semetism here.

15. A Punk (there is no scene here and only a handful on this campus).

16. Plan on dealing drugs (there is a market, but there are also lots of snitches here).

17. Straight-edge. (meaning drug free)

18. A country boy—a North Carolina good ol boy. You will find yourself to be hated by the rest of the college for being 'white trash' and without knowing you you will be branded a racist.

19. If you hate drama-which is pretty much unavoidable seeing as the size of the school.

20. Are a male and plan on hooking up with attractive women. Most of them (the girls) have STDs, anyway.

21. A white guy who likes women of color (on average they will not give you the time of day here).

22. Hate cliquey enviornments.

23. Seeking cool, large college parties.

I will say that the small class sizes and the education are both excellent, and the campus is physically beautiful. But do not be decieved by the tour guides—this place gets real old real fast. (Not to mention, the classes on average are FAR more difficult then many large state schools, and the work load is greater—unless you are a real hardworker, don't come here.)

I'll put it this way; if you're a normal guy or girl, you will not like it here—this place is for freaks and weirdos. If you're preppy and want to get drunk and hook up with attractive girls on the weekends, go to Elon University.
I hope this helps you pick the right school for you. I failed—and I hope you take my knowledge and learn from it.
I cannot stress enough how much this college blows if you are a chill guy like me.
Oh, by the way—as an added bonus, Guilford will not transfer your credits to another school (the ones you've earned, mind you) after your Sophmore year to discourage upperclassmen from transferring—thus making their transfer rate lower so they can look good in those college reviews & articles.