*If you see the VUPD duct tape your ass crack because they are going to rape you.

*Go to Dish.  Its a great restaurant in town and it will be like an orgasm in your mouth, though its a little pricey.  And if you don't go then I will orgasm in your mouth.

*Find a girl or girls to have sex with constantly... its just fun (that goes for the females too).  Also, be considerate and buy your roommate some earplugs. 

*Begin playing poker.  If you don't like poker begin playing strip poker.  If you don't know how to play poker just strip.

*The cafeteria trays can be used for anything: Sledding, hall sledding, hall snowboarding, baseball, homework, you can even eat of them if you are truly daring.

*Sleep in Sundays and get some waffles before the God Squad steals your food.  10:55 is best I believe.

*Jimmy John's will become a life sustaining resource if you go to this school.  The Italian Night Sub rules. 

*Maria Lana's is also good, especially for pizza and its cheap.  Tip well and they might not even spit in your food.

*Get good grades.  I really didn't think I needed to say that but in case you forgot, its pretty much all you've got at Valpo.

*Experiment with your drinking: College mixology is a wonderful and creative art.  And for your own sake offer your RA a drink.  This will get you on their good side and introduce you to their theories on the dry campus?

*When you are checking out for freshman year hide hundreds of something in your room (whether it be post-it notes or snapple bottle caps or something).  Then come back the next year.  You will get to meet some very confused and freaked out people.