Do you like to be bent over and violated over and over again?

Than this might be the right school for you!

The campus is kind of like a theme park! 

Except you won't have fun!  Instead, You get to pay ridiculous amounts of money for the shittiest food available, that also comes with a side of diarrhea!

You get to walk miles through our awesome campus spread out over MILES for no apparent reason!  Walk through literally thousands of people EVERY day!  Good luck finding Parking!  It cost about two dollars an hour!  Or, you can risk getting stabbed by bums in our great public transportation system!

Do you like being made fun of in classes by the student and faculty when you ask normal questions?  Awesome!

Whoa, almost all my teachers are assistant professors or TA's!  Great!

“Hello, professor.  I was wondering if I could help in the upcoming ____ festival/activity?"

“You obviously don't have any skills, so sorry.” Groovy!

Do you like having professors 15-20 minutes late to class and don't give a shit about anything?  Great! 

Sit in the back of class with your laptop and play solitaire!

Now be prepared to answer the question a lot:

Why are you going to this school if your not Hispanic and your last name is not Martinez or Garcia?  And why are you not taking Spanish?

Sound fun yet?

Do you like campus internet that doesn't work 50% of the time?  Then go buy a laptop right now!

And the people are so friendly!  Wait, you didn't go to high school here and are getting a free ride to college??  Prepare to be alone for the next four years!