Elmira College

Date: Jun 15 2011
Major: Biology (This Major's Salary over time)
WYSIWYG: What you see ISN'T what you get at Elmira College. At nearly $50,000 a year, you would expect an astounding education. Wrong! Instead you get a college whose Buildings and Grounds crew works day and night to make the college (appear) nice. The school's Campus Center is eerily reminiscent of an unfinished basement, though it is swamped with purple and gold everything. The plates have the school's crest on them - even the paper plates! The plastic silverware is purple, the sidewalk bricks are octagonal (the official school shape.) The school is far too concerned with it's appearances to realize that a majority of it's students are unhappy. Many EC students resort to drinking because, frankly, it's the only way they can last 4 years. Enter with ambitions, exit with a very expensive diploma and cirrhosis. The RLCs in the dorms are self-absorbed and have no concern for the well-being of the students… Especially the freshmen. The transition from living at home and attending high school to living in a dorm sometimes hundreds of miles away from home is difficult to say the least. Luckily the student RAs are available… The RLCs can't be bothered. The head of Residence Life is also quite the character. He is the most unfriendly, awkward and arrogant man to walk this earth. Therefore, it is only fitting that he is in control of student life. (Logic is not a strong point at EC.)

Back to the aesthetics of the school… Elmira College takes great pride in it's buildings. They are beautiful from the outside and almost exactly as they were back in 1855 (when Elmira began - it was founded by a wise and worthy man.. [They like to brainwash students during Fall Orientation with school songs.]) Unfortunately, technology has changed since then and it makes little to no sense to live in the past. Sure, keep the building's exterior the same, but you CAN update the heating system.. In Harris Hall, classes are often times disrupted for 5-10 minutes while the heater tries (and fails) to turn on. The clanking and clinking drowns out the professor's voice and is a huge inconvenience. Since potential monetary opportunities.. I mean students.. do not sit through a class and witness this firsthand, most are disappointed to learn that their education is hindered due to the college's obsession with aesthetics. In lament's terms, students attend college for an education, NOT for green grass and old buildings.

$50,000 at Elmira College buys you:

Green grass (even though it's spraypainted)

Terrible allergies (They mow daily.. grass grows THAT fast at EC)

A heated/air conditioned dorm (HAHA! Just kidding.. Unless you're one of the few students who have the opportunity to and want to pay extra to live in Meier)

Wifi in the dorms (Kidding again!)

Shoveled sidewalks in the winter (Look, I'm on a roll!)

Secure parking lots (If you don't mind vandalism and theft)

Campus Security at your service (Exceptions: When you need them)

Certainty (The menu is the same every week)

Creativity (Only at EC can they serve pizza one day, pizza burgers the next and, if there's still leftovers, pizza soup after that.)

Attitude (Everyone's got one!)

A worthwhile experience and a great education (Sorry, I had to get in one last laugh!)

Elmira College is great if you like everyone to know your business, you like to drink, you don't really want an education, you've got a lot of money to WASTE, you're obsessed with lawn care, you appreciate deception and false advertising… or if you crazy.