The Kutztown University of Pennsylvania

Date: Aug 19 2014
Major: Undecided (This Major's Salary over time)
Oh jeez I don't even know where to get started… Well, I'll just tell you right now before you read the rest of this: DO NOT GO HERE. It will be your most expensive year of high school. I'm not even going to discuss the academics because that's what Kutztown is. High school. I was a freshman last semester and will not be returning. Thank sweet baby Jesus.

The Campus

Overall, during the non-winter months (not Nov., Dec., Jan., Feb., and March), the campus is beautiful. Sprawling lawns, blossoming flowers, and numerous trees dot the campus landscape. Once the never ending winter arrives, it is the ugliest place you'll ever see. Dead grass that gets muddy whenever it snows or rains. Bare trees. Barren flower beds. All of this just makes the bland, rectangular academic buildings look even more prison-like.

Now not all of the buildings on campus look like they were designed by entry-level architects in the 60s. The Academic Forum has a modern stadium-like design. Boehm, the science building, has an awesome design, reminiscent of an industrial revolution type factory for the modern day. And the Schaeffer Auditorium… Just a beautiful building.

The only money the campus spends is on maintaining these grounds. However, they seem to spend ABSOLUTELY NOTHING when it comes to ice removal. So bring your ice skates when you come. If you don't have a pair, buy one.

Oh yeah. The food. No. Just don't. You'll have explosive diarrhea for the first month. No joke. It's so greasy and horrible and fried and gross and horrible. Did I already say horrible? Save your money on a meal plan and just buy groceries. Oh wait. Don't do that because you shouldn't even be going here.

Residence Halls

These buildings are also poorly designed. Small, hot rooms that haven't been updated since construction. Barely any shower privacy. And the bathrooms. My god. I've seen porta potties cleaner than these.

Some buildings require visitors, even those who attend the university AND live on campus, to be checked in during the first semester. Those same people who do the checking in also have the ability to search your bags upon entery to the building. And trust me - they will.

Some CAs are so gung ho about their jobs that it seems like they're out to get students for any slight violation of the dorm's totalitarian rules. Others just sleep with residents. Don't bother coming back to the dorms if you're drunk, or they'll call security on you and then they will be required to take you on a very, very expensive ambulance ride. You'd have a better chance of not getting caught if you slept on a sidewalk in the middle of town.

The Town

It's just blah. Like any old town in PA that's not a suburb. Looks like a town that popped up during the coal mining era of the state. It's all houses. Very low quality, very expensive houses. The majority of stores are at the bottom of the hill, which is the opposite side of the campus, about a mile from university property. There is a Giant food market in walking distance though.

Anything worth doing or going to is either in Allentown, 20 miles away, or in Reading, 18 miles away. Mall? 45 minutes.

All of that hate out of the way, the surrounding area, which consists entirely of cornfields, is actually very pleasing to the optic nerves. Rolling hills and a small creek are only a three minute drive from campus.

The People and Social Life

Everyone smokes. Be it cigarettes or marijuana- the only two social things to do during the week- guaranteed a majority do so. And if you smoke cigarettes, the closest place to campus that sells them, closes at 11PM so have fun after parties. On one of your daily mile long treks to class, fully expect a plume of cig smoke to hit you like… well, a plume of cig smoke, slithering through the huge herd of people you'll be forced to walk with.

The humans are either jerks, stuck up, guys that just want to fight everything, ghetto, slightly ghetto, ex-high school band members turned into the loosest party animals, or some of the nicest and most friendly people (if you're lucky to find them).

The parties are a joke in the really creepy kind of way. Like an inappropriate joke your creepy uncle that you're not really related to would say. If you have male genitalia or you're an even below average looking girl, be prepared to get charged five dollars to get one or two cups of beer before the party gets busted by the ever so pesky police. The settings of these uncomfortable parties are in basements and houses that look like they can be used for an Investigation Discovery special about rape.

Not many people are active in Greek life. Sororities are almost never heard of and the frats are nothing special.

Bottom line: the only thing that separates this school from any other is its extreme blandness.

The end.