The State University of New York - New Paltz

Date: Sep 22 2009
Major: English (This Major's Salary over time)
Once "the Berkeley of the East" and boasting cutting-edge interdisciplinary majors (African Studies, a defunct experimental program) well before these were finally subsumed into most ivory towers, today's New Paltz is a bastion of conformity. Then again, seeing as our generation was on track to be the least economically productive in over half a century even before the Great Recession, this fatalism isn't all that surprising. Greek life or its derivatives (yes, I'm talking about the croquet club) are omnipresent, which you would think is rather surprising considering the school's pedigree. But after enduring the unremitting snarls and "holier-than-thou" stare-downs for the past year on a daily basis, I can understand why even the weirdos feel compelled to join the nouveau elite. Making lasting friends who aren't of the casual, ephemeral sort at this school is challenging enough; making friends who aren't of the pseudo-libertarian (Republican cough) persuasion is darn near impossible. And I thought I was enlisting in a hotbed of radicalism, mind you.

(Oh, and relationships—at least with respect to heterosexual couplings, as there appears to be many stable "lesbian marriages"—are just impossible here. Don't let the estrogen-rich statistics fool you, helpless romantic males: one third of the gals do the long distance trip with their high school beaus, the widest swath of the bell curve wants disposable action from the fratholes, and then you have the aforementioned crunchy contingent. Prepare to have your heart broken either way. Such are the tribulations of growing up, of course, but my point is that it's like high school again. And it really shouldn't be.)

Classes are what you would expect, a melange of somnolent hippie adjuncts looking to pay the bills and perfectly adequate yet academically diffident professors who are seldom involved in the vanguards of their respective fields. (At least the only teaching fellows are freshman composition instructors, so you WILL invariably learn something from those tweed-jacketed eccentrics if you pay attention.) The metalworking, music, and computer science programs are better ranked than most; conversely, the education department—incidentally, the oldest on campus—has given a new meaning to ineffectual in recent years. Those interested in pursuing studies in the humanities should expect the kind of traditional education that simply hasn't been offered at most institutions since the onset of the culture wars. For instance, you won't find a Foucault special topics course here—at least right now—which REALLY surprised me considering the school's reputation. The hard science departments are very small, which may be beneficial to students who have always been interested in those disciplines but were dissuaded in high school.

Activities (Woodstock, the Gunks, excursions to Bard and Vassar et. al.) are plentiful, of course… if you have a car and a job to pay for all the bills. Prepare to spend your first year stranded in the Village amid its overpriced boutiques, going to the same parties and bars, seeing the same people you just saw in class that morning. Unless you're a senseless rake like me and spend all of your money on NYC visits, that is.

I could continue to ramble and nitpick (the dearth of quality off-campus housing, self-segregation of minority students—a very odd phenomenon for Brooklyn boy like myself—and all that jazz), but you probably get the picture. New Paltz has not expanded my consciousness much, nor has it inspired me to lose faith in my apathetic confederates. If you're looking for a relatively stress-free, culturally isolated (relatively speaking), and thoroughly, um, mediocre collegiate experience, this is the place to be. Just don't sell yourself short. If you have the means to go to a better school, if you need to take out tens of thousands in loans for your personal happiness, do it. If you honestly can't, this place will somehow suffice.