you are looking for a school that almost exclusively contains
White, Upper-Class, Snobby, Rich Brats, UDel is for you!
Ladies, tired of not being raped? Udel is for
you! Our Athletes, Football and Male Lax, are seemingly
experts in the art of drugging and raping unsuspecting women.
And what our atheletes cannot do, our local Townies
will be more than willing to do while you are
Guys, wish you could get beat up and
robbed more? Once again, UD's athletes fill the
void in your life. Our football team is excellent
in breaking into your dorm/apt/house and robbing you blind.
Our over-steroid frat boys (imported from directly from Long Island)
have no problem showing you how manly they really are
by pounding your face into the pavement. They'll even
do it in exchange for accidentally bumping into them at
a crowded bar. What a deal!
UDel is world-famous
for its specialized majors for Women. Our MRS. degree
will get you the ring on your finger before graduation!
Guys, if you are looking for a smoking-hot, but
not too bright trophy wife who will admire you not
for your personality but for your good looks and BMW,
all of our female students dress like they are going
clubbing - even at 10am! They know how to
work that thong, and they are dying to show you...
but only if you have the Trust Fund check
in hand. Just remember that they probably showed half
the male student body before you cam along.
of not being too bright - Our student body practically
exudes low-brow intellectualism. Professors ask a question in class,
and no one will answer it! How great
is that!? Essay exams are a thing in the
past - just memorize a few facts, cheat on the
scan-tron tests, and buy your term paper - literally everyone
in the Business Major is doing it! As a
bonus, if you would rather drink on Tuesday rather than
actually studying (just like the majority of our “students” so
don't worry), one of our many New Jersey Princess will
be more than willing to grind up on you at
one of our crappy bars if you buy her a
Don't really care about the real world? Not
a problem at UDel. Our students are so apathetic,
they couldn't tell you who the president of the U.S.
is, let alone how to vote for him. The
myriad of student groups on campus (those without the shiny
Greek Letters) only have 4-10 members. Let the nerds
worry about the real world - you have your Daddy's
credit cards to use, right? The only thing you
need to do while you're not in class is to
try to get as drunk as possible, and screw whatever
is walking around at last call. Who cares about
building a strong character?!
So, to recap, if you want
an unsafe, snobby, dimwitted, unchallenging, apathetic, white-bread campus, UDel is
a steal. I mean, why bother even going to
College... your Daddy will just get you a job
in his firm when you graduate. You will
fit in just fine at UDel. And if you
don't, you are just too poor (or black, gay, smart,
motivated, intelligent, well, you get the picture) to be as
cool as the rest of our student body.