Houghton College

Date: Mar 12 2014
Major: Unknown (This Major's Salary over time)
In 1895, the first reported sighting of the infamous "Grundler" took place in the woods between Houghton and nearby Fillmore. The Greasy Gobbler said he was tired of Houghton's arbitrary student handbook (published initially 1889) and was going to try and "grundle out" the "Grundler's" from the "saints". This meant that on the first day after graduation, every year, there would be a night of festivities in the deep dark woods, which are located near the town, and on the edge of Houghton College's property. When asked about why he would lead such an event, the monster declared, "If these rules have done anything, it has been to ensure my relatively tame - and pretty conservative - opinions on these three issues above (drinking, chapel attendance, sexuality) will, upon graduation, only be satiated with an intense, possibly extended and wonderfully destructive period of debauchery and INADEQUATE church attendance. But hey, you've gotta find a balance somehow… and Houghton's been offhandedly tipping and controlling the scales for students for A WHILE." The Grundler has been reported several times, but has never again made a public appearance. Evidence of college students stumbling out of the woods in a drunken stupor suggests that, whether or not "The Grundling Mascot of Hedonist Virtue" (as he is sometimes called) was ever real, his symbol as an enigmatic force against pathetic sports complex moneymaking schemes coupled with naive student by-laws and enforced "worship time" remains potent to this day. It's said this years festivities will continue as planned, May 11th, 2014 at 8 PM. Those interested should meet in the large clearing deep in the woods. BYOB and sleeping bags: liquor and sparklers will be provided. Also, DD required if you're coming up in a car. Those interested and sober enough to stand can join in the 6AM "Clothing Optional Fun Run" which ends at Ace's in Fillmore. In other news, Houghton College to this day does not officially recognize "The Grundler", though some say he is often referred to privately among the administration as the "Beshaggled Debaucherer".