I attended Purchase from 03-08. At the time of writing
this, it is September, 2010. Beyond my knowledge, perhaps things
may have changed since I went to school here. However,
I recently visited for a day (against my will) and
re-familiarized and at home with my opinions of the school.
-Fantastic Humanities department.
-Engaging classes, helpful
and creative professors.
-Small class sizes allow for in-depth, personal,
and occasionally humorous class discussions.
-Fellow classmates seem genuinely interested
in class material.
The student body. The
student body. The student body.
Aside from a couple (and
I mean, literally, two) friends I have made here, I
intend to actively avoid and shut out of my life
everyone I have met at SUNY Purchase. By my last
year, every time I ran into anyone I recognized, I
immediately thought of some means to escape the situation, so
as not to be trapped in another monotonous conversation about
PBR, the 60's, Indie music, organic farming or the vagaries
of campus construction. It's not that these topics of conversation
are in of themselves doomed to boredom, but that almost
no Purchase student has the wit or courage to escape
them. Everyone is so impersonably insecure with their own personality,
and rightfully so, because hardly anyone brings anything new to
the table; Purchase students are notorious for circulating the same
low-level, uninspired new age counter-culture tropes to desperately avoid acknowledging
the gaping chasm where campus community should normally be. Do
the words “administration,” “economy,” “personal responsibility,” and “government” turn your
stomach into knots? Congrats, head right in! Be the New
Hippie, and poeticize your anachronistic fate by going clothes shopping
at thrift stores and dumpster diving for food—not because you're
legitimately poor, but because you want to “feel closer to
nature” (and so why not grow a pound of beard
hair while you're at it? And ladies, unshaven armpits and
legs will substitute just fine!)
This is a campus culture
inextricably caught in a slow, slow, humorless inertia—and I mean
HUMORLESS!! Nobody here laughs! Everyone is too busy being a
coffee shop poet, or a free-lance photographer, or a performance
artist, or a yoga metaphysicist, or a drama queen, or
a chain smoker, to laugh! I swear, I forget how
to make light of my life when I stay too
long on campus, the very place itself is like a
disease that seeps to the blood when exposed too long
to the skin.
To put it short, SUNY Purchase
is morbidly obsessed with mock profundity and recycled self-irony, and
in the end there is hardly ever such a thing
as “Think Wide Open.” There is a constant air of
victimhood that stinks up the place, as well: nearly every
student feels disenfranchised, either by the government, high school, society,
the media, gender stereotyping, genetic malfunction, sheer physical weakness, cigarettes,
masturbation—etc—so that nobody has the drive to fight for a
meaningful college experience. One cannot escape the feeling of mediocrity.
But the majority of students like it here. Or, they
tolerate it blandly. Regardless, there is no doubt that just
about every Purchase student was repeatedly beaten up in high
school, and as a result, completely lacks self-confidence and integrity
of will (there's antidepressants and weed for that anyway). So,
SUNY Purchase supplies a haven for such categorical losers to
come together, unanimously celebrate their lack of character and strength,
and, thus, they may feel equalized among themselves—no longer pressured
by THE MAN to feel the weight of their own
existence (until they graduate, and suddenly find themselves without practical
skills or a job!) But yes: they come together and
unite in a big group hug, and then they hold
hands, and then they bitch and moan and sob on
one another until the ground itself liquifies from tears and
cheap beer (and it DOES get quite saturated, the majority
of the campus floods during rainstorms due to improper drainage).
I believe what this place needs is a kick in
the ass. People need to get in fights, smack each
other around, go back to the stone age for a
few months and learn how to be assertive, competitive, and
passionate. Take a risk with who you are, believe in
yourself! I want to shout that to every single person
I come in contact with at this school! But the
effort would be wasted, they're too set in softy liberalism,
and there's just too many of them and too few
people like myself. I know how arrogant I've sounded throughout,
and I apologize if that raises doubts toward my credibility,
but after 5 life-crippling years at this school I feel
I have the right to lambast it to the farthest
extent. This place has left a huge scar on me,
a diploma that certifies 5 years of my life wasted
in trying to habilitate myself among dying and dead souls.
What a colorless, gray, unsanitary mess. They should just take
all those bulldozers, level the grounds, and start over.
dr: Don't even think about going here if you're into
sports or fun.