Furman University

Date: Jul 18 2011
Major: Unknown (This Major's Salary over time)
Where do I start? Where do I start? WHERE DO I FREAKIN' START?

First off, somehow despite the barrage of negative reviews Furman still manages to get an "A" for Educational Quality. I honestly have to believe the "A" stands for A-S-S. Let me remind you that this is the institution that helped launch Joan Farnoosh to the Nobel Prize for Massage Therapy. Educationally, you become more stupid. Socially, you become more toad-like. Physically, you become more rotund, or should we say Joan-like…

Let me also point out that Furman University is located next to Swan Lake. What a damn joke! Did the University's founders actually think that they would somehow the school would reach a higher level of sophistication by associating themselves with the Russian ballet? The only thing "Russian" about this place is the Stalin-like atmosphere which forces you to run through the fountains.

I also cannot post without mentioning the food. It's gross - tastes like Ethel's face whipped in lard and then poached in chlorine. The "chefs" (in quotes because they're more like butt-ravaging butchers) never order Paula Deen's chicken. Do they not believe in the power of butter? Clearly, Joan Talamo does. These idiot "chefs" also think they can eat swan. It's Swan Lake but they don't have swans. How stupid can these people be? Honestly, they also look like they need a serious makeover. If I ever step foot back on the campus, I will take these chefs to the salon and make sure they get a serious facial. It ain't about the ASS.

Last but not least, I want to celebrate the retirement of Catherine E. Moore. Yes, it has been many years since this woman left the public school system but her legacy of strict, constructionist education without emotion or soul has remained with us as if she never left. She was replaced with a platypus who turned out to be a serious upgrade.